‘All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth,’ goes the ditty. But that’s not what I’m after as I still have all my original teeth, bar a naked gum here and there; but gums still tough enough to help masticate a rib-eye steak. And no thought of Steradent at the bedside. Yet.
What I really crave for is an AI laptop that can churn out columns by just giving it a subject. Like, ‘Rid the country from corrupt politicians’, and it will bash out 400 appropriate words in seconds. Being intelligent it would make a better job than I ever could.
Imagine if it comes up with an infallible idea that will really and truly send the present bunch of politicos to the caboose for life. Goodness knows, they deserve no better, having ruined this beautiful country for their own selfish needs. And for stealing from the poor alone, they should be put into an isolation cell for a long, long time.
But then I have to find the laptop geared for meting out punishment to errant politicians. If the laptop had been programmed by say, the Japanese, known for their wartime torture chambers, its column would inevitably come up with like sentences for the miscreants. A little harsh maybe?
On the other hand, British programmers won’t foot the bill. They’re on the liberal bandwagon, finding excuses for the crooks, believing they can be rehabilitated. They haven’t learnt that bad politicians become martyrs and given early parole.
The Irish, on the other hand, with an IRA history, would suggest shooting first and ask questions afterwards. Tempting thought, but, here again, we’re not up to it.
The Chinese model would probably be best suited. They simply jail who they decide are guilty, with no questions asked. Political prisoners are known to rot in jail. They would make short shrift of the Malemas of the world. One false word or brandishing a gun in public, and he’s a gonner. Wouldn’t that be a gift in itself? And Beijing laptops are bound to be the cheapest on the market.
You probably think this is all rather silly, but keep in mind this is the silly season, not allowing for serious debate.
Although I still won’t mind owning an AI laptop.
I wish you a happy Christmas and healthy and safe New Year.