LIFESTYLE NEWS - Living with someone struggling with substance abuse, whether it is a family member, your partner, or even a friend, has an immense impact on one’s own life, undeniably adding many stresses, uncertainties, challenges, trials and tribulations. 

Addiction is a difficult issue for anyone involved. Often the people closest to an addict go through intense and uncertain times.

Witnessing your loved ones struggle with substance abuse and addiction completely changes the ways in which you interact with them. It introduces some hard truths about them and the relationship you have with them as you are forced to come to terms with the changing dynamics.

Five hard truths of living with an addict

Enabling
In an attempt to help the addict, a loved one will, often unknowingly, become an enabler through taking responsibility for their actions and emotions. This includes making excuses for the addict, accepting blame on the addict’s behalf, and doing damage control to reduce the negative effect and consequences of their actions. When this happens, the addict faces no repercussions to their actions and do not take responsibility for the problems they cause.

Secrecy
Addicts often do not open up about what they’re doing, as it may be something they don’t want to even personally acknowledge as a problem, or face judgement for. Having strong feelings of guilt, fear and shame, they may think others will not accept the situation or understand their addictions. This inevitably creates an environment in which they feel the need to be secretive. They could start lying about their whereabouts, the company they keep, what they’re doing, strange behaviours and even missing money. Over time, the secrecy increases to the point of complete distancing or isolation, resulting in immense strain on relationships with their loved ones.

 Trust issues
With secrecy comes increased lying and deception. Inevitably, loved ones will come to realise the differences between fact and fiction in the addicts’ portrayal of reality. Understandably they begin to develop trust issues due to the perceived lack of respect, dishonesty, and unwillingness to open up about what is going on. It leads to them assuming the worst, which further damages the relationship. Every healthy relationship requires honesty and trust and the lack thereof usually leads to issues such as anger, jealousy, fear and resentment.

Anger and abuse
Relationships inevitably deteriorate due to substance abuse. Tensions are high, especially if substances that are known to cause aggression are being used, creating the potential of situations becoming extremely violent and dangerous quickly. Living with an addict puts one at greater risk of victimisation. Experiencing an increase in frustration may lead you to express anger or act violently against your loved one. If you are experiencing domestic violence in your relationship, do not hesitate to contact a domestic abuse hotline.

Co-dependency
Co-dependent individuals often become involved in relationships that are one-sided. They become frustrated by the necessities and actions of their addicted loved one, but also feel a compulsive need to take care of them. Co-dependent people need the addict as a part of their life as much as the addict needs the co-dependent, and often assume the role of the ‘martyr’. They tend to feel an overwhelming sense to sacrifice things in their own life for the loved one, though in turn fulfilling their own needs for attachment. Co-dependent relationships involve a fair share of enabling, with one party often attempting to cover and resolve the issues of the addicted individual instead of allowing them to face the consequences of their substance use.

Living, communicating and dealing with an addict can be strenuous, as you face many difficulties trying to navigate the relationship while just wanting the best for the struggling loved one. 

It is important to seek out professional help from appropriate sources to ensure a safe environment for both the people living with the addict and the person with the addiction.

Visit www.sadag.org for more resources, helplines and counsellor information.

If you or a family member is interested in considering rehabilitation, visit Cut the Mustard and explore word-class rehabilitation centres by clicking here.

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