Sometimes I envy Britain with its royal family. Warts and all, they do put some life into a country struggling under the yoke of a baffling Brexit, a bombed-out immigration policy, and churches and pubs running empty.
All they have is a monarchy splashing bright colours onto an otherwise grey, cold and wet canvas. What would the island be without the Trooping of the Colour, the queen on horseback, Harry and Megan’s walk- and talk-about future royal brats, Charles’ conversations with his plants and the Duke’s driving ban? These goings on enjoy extensive media coverage. Not a day goes by without some royal story – keeping newspapers alive. (Our media badly needs it).
And it not only lifts the locals from their drab existence on the dole and watching Eastenders, but attracts the international rich and famous and curious tourists by the million. This translates into mega sterling pouring into the country. A PR dream.
What’s here to excite us? We too, are suffering hard times; the poor are getting poorer; Eskom’s bloody black outs, an immigration policy bringing in millions of illegals; infiltration of false money grabbing prophets of doom into churches. OK, so we do have monarchies, but they cater for specific tribes, leaving out the majority.
The kings here are despotic and self-indulgent and don’t care a fig about their starved followers. And the only colourful entertainment on the royal agenda is topless virgins, catering for frisky kings on the lookout for future concubines. Not everyone’s cuppa skokiaan.
How about us creating our own national royal family? Choose them through a TV contest with each winning family “reigning” for five years. And during their tenure they link up with entertainers, police, army, and navy and hold regular street carnivals, floats and the like. Imagine horse and soldier parades – not forgetting the Kaapse Klopse – in action? Spectacles to take our minds off politicians and other ugly things. Increased tourism is a given.
Oh, and being ordinary mortals, our royals are bound to dish up juicy scandals, giving our media a welcome boost.
Only one proviso: the judging panel is to be made up of intelligent personalities for a change – and have the deciding vote. Oh, and our monarchs are expected to be totally colour blind.
If the boring Brits can do it, why not our Rainbow Royals? Our diversity of rich traditions and cultures assure success.