George Herald | Being a mom: The myth and the magic

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Being a mom: The myth and the magic
11:00 (GMT+2), Fri, 11 May 2012

LIFESTYLE NEWS - Writing about motherhood is like trying to herd cats. Not only does one venture out knowing that this feat is nearly impossible, but you are also inhibited by the risk of making yourself look utterly ridiculous in an attempt to do so. What can be said or written about it that isn’t already out there?

Moaning moms
Recently a childless journalist Bibi Lynch published an article ‘Mothers, stop moaning about motherhood!’ in the family section of The Guardian, describing in no uncertain terms how she is sick of women complaining that motherhood is hard when her pain knowing she will never have children, is so difficult to bear.

“You moms do not know how blessed you are - so please just be happy and quit complaining. Yes, I don’t have the difficulty of combining child-rearing and a career, but do you really think I’ll be on my deathbed whispering ‘Remember me’ to the boss who gave me a promotion because I worked 24/7 for her?” Lynch wrote.

“You feel you have lost your identity? Well, I’d say you’ve gained a better one. Mothers are treated as superior citizens,” she continued in her article.

Her comments have stirred up a storm of commentary, mostly from moms who, being typical women, empathise with Lynch and made solemn pacts to zip it and take heart amidst their shared struggles.Contrary to the popular belief, though, motherhood should be considered the oldest job in the world. Probably also the most daunting, which, at its core, is why the world is swarming with ‘moaning moms’.

But let’s be honest, could it be possible that the moaning is only used as a defense mechanism to hide our fear of failure of not being a good mom?
Myth meets motherhood
But how does one shake this shadow almost eclipsing the magic of motherhood? Experts on WebMD, an online health site, offer some handy pointers.

Parenting as a Spectator Sport
Motherhood has become like a spectator sport, the competition among mothers palpable and expectations often unrealistic. Yet, there are women who appear to be meeting them. Mothers looking to gain confidence about their mothering, need to focus on reality. Comparing is damaging and a goal not worth aiming for.

Tell yourself: “Supermom is faking it. In real life, moms get stressed and lose patience. Sometimes, we even yell.”
Ignore the Experts (Most of the Time) Information can be useful, but too much expert advice can lead you into a trap, believing that there is one right way to do things and if you don’t comply, your children will suffer. This is a perfect recipe for mother’s guilt.

Going With Your Gut
Once you have consulted your doctor, read a few books and perused some good parenting magazine articles, step away from the schooling and start trusting your internal mothering guide. We joke that kids don’t come with directions, but in a sense, they do. These directions are your values and they are the basis on which you make your decisions.

Silencing the Critic
It can be hard not to let the snide comments of others get under your skin. But it’s the internal critic that needs to be muzzled, because it does the most damage. In short, give yourself a break; it might actually do your kids some good, too.

Back to Basics
Doing what you believe is best for your children and your family makes you a good mother, regardless of what others think. A mother’s true allegiance needs to be with her kids. When you’re comfortable with your decisions, you need to own them and recognise that the only one you have to answer to is your child. It takes some guts, but it’s liberating.The marketable magic of motherhood

“Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. But it’s also the best job you’ll ever have.” That is the message from Procter & Gamble in a YouTube video launched on 17 April, viewed since by more than 1.9 million people. It’s a scene that plays out across the world every day: mom wakes up sleepy child, makes breakfast, transports the child to sports practice, does laundry, cheers on the child as he or she plays sport and then eventually mom proudly watches the child excel in his or her sport.Who doesn’t connect with that?

“We have seen an overwhelmingly positive response to the video so far, with thousands of people sharing it all around the world,” said P&G spokesperson Jodi Allen in a recently published article. “It’s the biggest global campaign P&G has undertaken in our 174 years. We want consumers around the world to be inspired by watching our ‘Best Job’ film that celebrates moms for all they do for their kids.”

So, in the final analysis, despite the difficulties of being a mom, it all adds up: even the moaning!

ARTICLE: CORNELLE CARSTENS